quiet and cold.

it’s quiet. not just in our apartment at this very moment, but our life has been exceptionally quiet the past few weeks. it’s also been very cold. last week it got to -14 degrees (celsius – which is about 6 degrees fahrenheit). painfully, holy s*** it takes your breath away cold. so i guess when i look back at february 2012 i’ll remember 2 things. quiet & cold.

as the maxey girls are not the hardiest of stock (much to wen’s chagrin, our littles did not inherit those tough midwest genes), we’ve pretty much hunkered down and spent the better part of this month indoors. and while on one hand i feel a bit trapped and anxious and restless, on the other i’m so incredibly thankful for these quiet days. when we’re not rushing around from this errand to that adventure, i can really sit and watch and absorb the beauty of my sweet little family.

piper is getting so big. seriously, she is becoming this lovely young lady right before my eyes. the other day we were at the grocery store and i was in a horrible mood. i was tired of the cold, tired of the snow, tired of bagging my own groceries and tired of not knowing what the checkout lady was saying to me as she shook her head and tossed my credit card back to me. so very tired. as we walked back to our car with the wobbling cart veering off the sidewalk, i snapped. at piper. for no reason. and she paused, looked at me, and said:

i know you’re not happy right now. i know you’re cranky, mom. and i just want you to know that it’s ok. we all get like that sometimes and it’s going to be ok. 

and instantly i went from tired to oh so grateful and oh so humbled and oh such a teary mess. i adore this little girl.

i don’t want to wish these days away. work is still so very nutso and the other day i found myself saying, “i can’t wait for february to be over. everything will be good after this month.” and for the rest of the day i was haunted by those words, because i knew they weren’t true. not because everything won’t be good after february (WHICH IT WILL), but because i was implying that everything isn’t good now (WHICH IT IS). there is joy TODAY. in spite of the cold and quiet, there is still warmth and brightness. there is still taco soup and long naps. there is sunday morning krapfens (donuts) and sunday afternoon movies. there is bitty saying, “i love you mommy” and piper saying, “you’ll never believe it mom. it was amaaaaazing.” there is wen, always wen, so faithful and patient and supportive. there is piper starting to help me make dinner and stella jane stealing sips of my green juice. there is the hope and anticipation of spring – of abandoning winter coats and a long weekend in amsterdam and feeling the sun on our faces and seeing my girls’ bare shoulders in little sundresses. but in the meantime, there is today, and today is good.