piper.

moi. exactly 6 years ago.

huge as a house. so beyond excited. terrified. anxious. happy. so very happy.

we were living in new york city at the time, and my sister had flown in that day to help welcome sweet baby piper into the world. that night is a jumble of so many memories, little snippets that play like mini movies in my mind and heart. we had sushi for dinner (random, right? i’m sure i only ate pregnancy-appropriate foods, as i was a super freak my first pregnancy about every little thing). back to the apartment to grab our stuff and take one last look at our little home before we returned as a family of 3.

a late-night cab to the hospital (piper loves this little detail of the story … i was born in new york city and my mommy and daddy took a TAXI to the hospital!). a long, uncomfortable wait while the room was prepared. nervous giggles. into bed. some drugs. an IV. the cosby show.

and 18 hours later …

she arrived.

and it was never the same again.

my heart. it literally bursts and breaks on a daily basis over this beautiful little human. she delights me and confuses me and inspires me and challenges me. most days i feel incredibly ill-eqipped to be her mama. are you at all nervous that we have no idea what we’re doing …  i often ask wen. but then i remember the love. and i feel better, because if there’s anything i know how to do, if there’s anything i was created to do, and equipped to do, it’s love this little girl.

it’s a very vulnerable thing, this whole parenting gig. it requires you to open yourself up to the greatest of joys, and the deepest of heartbreaks. it’s taught me to calm my normally anxious heart, and just trust. and let go. and allow mistakes to happen. to forgive myself for my missteps along the way.  and to teach this impressionable chicklet all of the things that i myself still need to learn … you are beautiful. you are not perfect, but you’re perfectly you. you are good and kind. you will make mistakes, but you will grow and learn. you are enough. 

it’s so serendipitous, so perfectly orchestrated that my piper was born near thanksgiving. i am thankful, grateful, ohsoblessed for this gift that arrived at 6:01pm on that cold and quiet monday. it was a good day. the very best kind of day.

happy birthday, sweet piper lane.