one part joy, one part sadness.

it’s funny. there are key events or milestones of our jourmany that we’ve waited for with great anticipation and excitement, yet when they actually arrive bring a twinge of sadness in addition to the expected joy.

it happened first when our furniture arrived. we had literally been counting the days, hours, minutes until we would have all of our things again. yet seeing them in this new apartment, all the way across the world, honestly was a bit depressing for a bit. of course we were THRILLED to have our beds, sofa, toys, stuff. but for the first few days everything felt a bit out-of-place (much like US when we first arrived!). i kept picturing our things in our old house back home, which of course led to some inevitable homesickness.

piper seemed to suffer from this nostalgia induced sadness as well. prior to us moving we bought her DREAM bed (pink, fancy, pink) which she talked about incessantly as it was crossing the ocean on its way. “i can’t wait to sleep in my new pink bed.” but once everything was set up (pink beds in the girls’ shared bedroom, old day bed in the playroom), she kept gravitating to the old bed. for weeks the pink bed remained untouched. we didn’t fight it … i could totally relate to her need for the familiar.

anyway, the point of all of this rambling is that this week marked a huge milestone for my little chicklet. piper lane started school yesterday. correction: piper lane started GERMAN school yesterday. she’s literally been talking about this since the day we moved here … we’ve been counting down for what seems like ages. 3 more months! 2 more months! 2 more weeks! big pink “Xs” on the calendar, all in anticipation of the start of this new exciting adventure.

i’ve been equally as excited as miss piper lane. i LOVED watching her experience her first year of preschool last year – she gobbled it up with such enthusiasm. the songs, the letters, the friends, the field trips. my sweet, social girl was made for school, and it brings this mommy ridiculous amounts of joy watching this. as such, i was eager to see what the german version would bring.

and the outcome after day two? steady enjoyment (piper’s) with a sprinkling of sadness (mine). and a dash of anxiety (mine). a drop of uncertainty (piper’s and mine).

it’s just SO FREAKING DIFFERENT. which is of course sort of the point of this whole thing. we certainly didn’t move thousands of miles away from home for it to be exactly the same. but i guess what i’m struggling with is that most of the uncomfortable moments, the ones that make us stretch and grow and trust, have been ones we can experience together, as a family. when the girls have us to lean on, and we are there to hold their hands and guide them through the newness, then it’s all good. but picturing my piper in this new school, which is so different (SO SO different), without me and wen, is sort of breaking my heart.

when i picked piper up yesterday i expected the standard “mommy!” squeal and a dash over to me. but she just stayed in her chair, eating her strange german snack (some bread/cracker thing with some cheesy thing), looking sort of lost. to be fair, it had been a LONG day. german kindergarten is ALL DAY, so she had been there for 7 hours at this point. with no nap. (i’m sure an explanation of our night is not needed. no nap = YIKES). add to that trying to adjust to hearing mostly german throughout the day, very little structure (ack!), new faces, new games, new rules, new everything. it’s just … a lot. and right now all i can think about is piper’s school from home … and how much i want to be back there where everything is safe and familiar, where i can talk to the other moms and sign up for field trips and pack her a snack that i know she’ll love. i want to be back where it all makes sense. at least to me.

but clearly that’s not an option. so now i need to just trust and let go of what was … and embrace what is.

a few weeks ago piper suddenly started sleeping in the pink bed. no conversation took place about it. she just did it. it was time to move forward, into our new life. i feel like that scenario is a good lesson for me. take your time, ease in, allow for the moments of sadness and homesickness and clinging to the familiar. but at some point, just accept and go forward. i’m hoping that happens soon.

with that … a few pictures of the lovely little fraulein.

first-day-of-school breakfast …

posing, always posing …

so funny that this is our “obligatory front door first-day-of-school” picture spot for the next few years.

my lovely girl. please note the hairdo, which was a VERY frequent topic of conversation the past few days. we have a whole menu of hair options that are currently in rotation: two big braids, two little braids, half-up, high ponytail, low ponytail, pigtails, ponytail with braid, headband, ponytail with headband. and of course, today’s choice, the small braid with headband. 

and the obligatory “over the shoulder so as to show off the backpack” pose:

and finally, the new school. which i’m hoping will grow to be safe and familiar as well … in time. ** i do so love that the building is beautiful and yellow, which is my fave color, after all! surely that’s a sign of good things to come… yes?

sending much love from a proud and nervous momma. xo.