i carry your heart with me.

ee cummings // i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i truly can not look at my girls lately without getting a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. they’re just getting so big and they amaze and delight me daily. they’re not perfect – no, not even close. piper is walking this fine line between toddler and young lady, and often surprises me with her maturity but then teeters back over to her whiny younger self and i remember, oh yes. she’s only six. 

stella, too, is growing up in spite of her best efforts to stay the baby. she is so funny, truly she has the best sense of humor and can make us laugh in an instant. but she’s complicated as well – outgoing and hamming it up one moment, shy and nervous the next.

i guess we’re all like that, to a degree. a mix of emotions and personalities and flavors all blended together in our own unique recipe.  brave one day, terrified the next. full of energy, confidence and spunk today, a mute little wallflower tomorrow.

right now i just want my girls to be happy, kind and grateful. that’s it. they’re both starting school (piper a couple of weeks ago, stella in a few weeks) and they’re surrounded by new faces and personalities and decisions on a daily basis. i want them to choose joy, to be gracious and generous to those around them.  both of them are going to schools with a beautiful mix of cultures and nationalities represented, and i can already see piper’s little wheels turning as she immerses herself in this melting pot each day. i love that she’s having this experience, of seeing how big and rich the world is, how god has woven together this amazingly colorful planet with amazingly colorful people within in. she’s asking questions and mulling over the answers and i just absolutely am so grateful for this whole chapter.

i both hate and love that they are growing up. i want to hold on to the chubby little cheeks of their baby-ness, but also celebrate them as they grow and learn and make mistakes and apologize and start anew. i want to carry them in my pocket but also cheer them on as they run ahead of me, skipping towards their stories and their journey.

as i can’t stop time, or even slow it, i’ll simply do my best to also be happy, kind, grateful for these beautiful little joy-bringers who still call me mama and crawl on my lap and lean back into that perfect little pocket within my arms.