hello, thirty-six

i’m 36 today. THIRTY-SIX. how did that happen? i’m not one who laments turning older – it’s an inevitable part of this whole life thing, and rather than mourn what i’m not (ie: still in my twenties) i’d rather celebrate what i am (healthy, capable, grateful). that being said, i still do have a hard time reconciling myself with that number. THIRTY-SIX. i mean, really.

35 was a great year. a hard year, certainly, but overall really really incredible. i started the year feeling a bit antsy, a bit what’s next, where do we go now? and clearly that question was answered in a much bigger way than i ever could have imagined or anticipated. and for that, i’m grateful. i love looking back and knowing that when opportunity peeked around the corner, i grabbed it, yanked it, stuffed it in my pocket and made it mine. i’m proud that we took this leap. courage & adventure defined 35 for me.

and now 36 is here, staring me in the face and once again asking, what’s next? where do you go from here, maxey? and while i don’t yet have all of the answers (and likely won’t until 365 days from now when i’m reflecting back), i DO know that i want to start living more intentionally. more purposefully. i mentioned this a while back when i was writing about my career, but i think it applies throughout the rest of my life as well. with my family, my interests, my time, my health, everything – i want there to be purpose & intention in the big and tiny details of my life. i want to …

CHOOSE JOY. wen said this to me once and it totally left its mark. i believe that joy is often more a decision than a feeling. when the road forks and one path is “blah” and one path is “wheee!” – you have a choice. it’s not always easy, certainly. but sometimes you just have to just choose it, will it, demand it. and the joy will come.

CELEBRATE. we’re too hard on ourselves. we need to be ok acknowledging the good stuff, rather than dwelling on the not-so-great. celebrate the little wins each day. (we’re especially working on this with the chicklets right now – the power of positive affirmation is revealing itself in fab ways. and really, isn’t saying, “that was awesome!” way more fun than, “no, don’t do that!”)

EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. there’s just too freaking much out there to distract us. i went through the bookmarks on my computers the other day and each had HUNDREDS of little gems that i had found interesting over the past year. blogs and pinterest and recipes and design ideas and travel aspirations. rather than be inspiring it was paralyzing and overwhelming. i deleted 70% of it. keep it simple. edit where you can.

PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR HEART IS. admittedly, wen & i haven’t been the best at being really disciplined, really intentional about how and where we spend our money. that’s changing this year. it’s all about choices. we want to travel – so we’ll eat out less, shop less, buy less. and when we’re standing in front of the colosseum in rome, or showing piper the eiffel tower in paris, those boots that didn’t come home with me won’t matter a single bit. and on that note …

GIVE BACK. we have a responsibility to the world around us.

STICK WITH IT. finish what you start.

or …

START. seriously, just make the decision to do it. or let it go. either way, quit thinking / daydreaming / wishing, and just start. the only difference between you and the ones who did it is simply that. they did it. * for me this is really learning how to use my camera. i’ve literally talked about this for TEN YEARS. i’m either going to do it this year or let. it. go. 

UNPLUG. wen & i are seriously at risk of calling “adultery” on each other – but in our case the “other woman / man” is our laptops. TURN THEM OFF. stop typing and start talking.

BE CREATIVE AND FIND SOLUTIONS. my dad always used to say, “it’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” i complain too much about stuff that i can probably fix. just fix it already.

LISTEN. how often can you tell someone is thinking of the next thing they’re going to say while you’re still talking. i love when you can see someone is really intent on HEARING you. i want to be that person.

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY. yep, totally stole that from a john mayer song. and while i find him incredibly icky, i LOVE-ADORE-LISTENONREPEAT that song. say what you need to say. i love you, thank you, i’m sorry, you rock my world, i messed up, i’m hurt. whatever it is, say it.

BE KIND. i pray this for my girls all the time. i so desperately want them to be kind, thoughtful, compassionate, generous. they will learn this (or not!) by watching me. humbling and oh so convicting.

BE CURIOUS. ask good questions. look things up. read, read, read. don’t just nod and agree, but challenge and learn and understand for yourself.

LAUGH. i asked piper the other day what she loves most about wen, and she said that he makes her laugh. my answer would be EXACTLY THE SAME. laughter can not be underestimated. it’s not everything, but i truly believe in its healing power. laugh. and if there’s nothing funny right now, then find it. find someone. find that thing that will bring the laugh back. we all need it.

BE ORGANIZED. i’m notoriously neat. i hate clutter. my files are IRS audit-ready, i still balance a checkbook to the penny (yes, totally 1989, i still use a checkbook to balance our bank account) and wen & i straighten our house every night before we go to bed. i swear this has helped ease anxiety over the years. your brain can’t be totally peaceful when you’re surrounded by clutter.

STOP BEING SCARED. i wrote about this a while ago as well … the sheryl sandberg-ism, “what would you do if you weren’t afraid?” do things that scare you. don’t let your own fear or hesitation hold you back from something you should / could / want to do. i recently had a major “should i or shouldn’t i” moment, and while i so desperately wanted to walk away, i instead said YES. i’m still terrified, but i also know it’s good to have sweaty palms once in a while.

HAVE FUN. don’t take yourself so seriously. one of my previous places of employment was SO FREAKING SERIOUS, and it really hindered creativity. which is part of why i love love love my team right now – i work with this eclectic group of people who take their work very seriously, but not themselves. they laugh at themselves and each other, and weaving fun into work has created a really open + inviting environment. i can never go back.

BE OK WIH OK. you’re not always going to get the A or the “exceeds expectations.” sometimes ok is as good as it’s going to get. don’t kill yourself over home made when store-bought would be just as good. pick your battles. (this is a hard one for me, but i’m learning to let go and am feeling quite freeeeeeeeee!).

that being said …

DON’T SETTLE FOR ORDINARY. i think this has always been my biggest fear, that i would miss an opportunity for amazing. it’s why i went so far away to college, moved to new york, took new jobs, relocated our family to germany. i want to live a big life in a big way. but living big doesn’t necessarily mean moving thousands of miles. it’s just about finding YOUR version of extraordinary.

BELIEVE. in yourself, in others, in miracles.

so, hello thirty-six. i’m ready for you. i’m ready for more adventure, more laughter, more diving in the deep end and seeing how far i can swim. let’s GO.