grocery store {fail}

i try not to dwell too much on the challenges of germany life. there are definitely days where this country is not my friend, but i do my best to take the high road and not let it get the best of me. and to be fair, there’s really not a lot to complain about. truly! lack of closet space? yes, annoying. no garbage disposal? certainly gross, but not a huge deal. a new friend of mine calls these “fancy problems.” i love that. when the decisions keeping you up at night are along the lines of, “should we go to salzburg or prague for the weekend … hmmm, this is just such a hard decision!” fancy problems, indeed.

that said, there is one area where germany and i are not going to see eye to eye, no matter how long we stay here. some of the disconnect isn’t really even germany’s fault – it’s really residual effects of being from the US where everything is designed to make life easier, more streamlined. anyway, the big obstacle that brings me constant angst? the freaking grocery store {yes, again, fancy problems}.

i shared a pic a while ago on fb that showed the reserved (up-close) parking that our local grocery store has for families. LOVE LOVE LOVE this. so nice to be guaranteed a spot up close. sadly, this is where the love affair with german grocery stores ends for me.  today sweet bitty and i ventured to the store for a big shop, and i swear those 60 minutes almost ended me.

first, the shopping carts. you have to actually put a coin into the cart in order to release it. i get that this isn’t a huge deal, and if one (moi) was organized they (i) would simply keep an appropriate coin (50 cent, 1 euro or 2 euro) in the car for such occasions. i have no excuse as to why we NEVER SEEM TO HAVE THE RIGHT COIN when we need one. but we don’t. ever. and of course today stella spotted the fun carts with the huge play car thing in front and was all over that – so i spent 5 minutes digging in the seats, under the seats, in the bottom of my purse, everywhere, looking for something that would work. nada. i finally had to drag a sad little bitty into the store, buy an iced tea that i didn’t actually want so i could get some change, drag her back to the parking lot to finally free up that blasted cart so we could begin the actual shopping.

i was already over it.

onto the produce aisle! no complaints here. everything was actually quite fresh! i needed basil, and they do such a great job with fresh herbs! very happy. onto the rest of the store …

i happened to have a super long list today, which is a huge challenge when you can’t READ ANYTHING or have ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE BUYING. i stole wen’s iphone for today’s shop, so i could google translate everything. note to self: trying to entertain a 2-year old while attempting to translate a 30 item grocery list is not the easiest or smartest endeavor. and yes, i know the language thing isn’t really germany’s fault … indeed, incredibly presumptuous of me to expect them to subtitle everything. but at this point i was ready to point fingers and place blame. and where the freak is the cornstarch?!?!?

40 stressful minutes later, i was done (figuratively – literally i still had about 1/3 of my list left to buy) so i gave up and headed for the checkout line. this is where the real battle begins.

you know how in the US (well, in portland at least – this did NOT happen in NYC), the checkout person is typically very friendly, commenting on the weather and saying things like, “wow! someone’s having a party!” when you start unloading bags of chips and soda onto the conveyor? and there was typically a “thank you, mrs maxey!” once i had paid. and the guy bagging the groceries? and offering to walk them to your car? yeah, that doesn’t happen here.

today’s checkout experience? i …

1 – got in a fight with the checkout gal over the bags i was using to load up the groceries. the bags here aren’t free – they’re sturdy, reusable bags, but you have to buy them. today i was actually prepared and came with 3 from home, but apparently i didn’t appropriately indicate to this woman that they were, in fact, mine. so she tried grabbing one from my hand to scan it. i said (sweetly), “no, no … these are from home.” which escalated into a VERY uncomfortable back and forth (me in english, she in german). i’m honestly not sure how it ended. i don’t think i paid for them, but i may have … FAIL.

2 – literally worked up a sweat bagging my 3 HUGE BAGS full of groceries, trying to keep up with the pace of her throwing my cute basil plant and cheese and yogurts and other various items like the package i THOUGHT was ground turkey but was, in fact, pork (“schweinfleisch” – i should have known) at me. i know it sounds like i’m exaggerating, but swear to you there were boxes of cereal coming STRAIGHT AT ME and i was trying to shield bitty so she didn’t get knocked out by the oncoming chicken breasts. FAIL.

3 – ended up having to put a handful of items straight back into the cart, as my 3 HUGE BAGS couldn’t hold everything i had bought, and i was certainly not going to give the checkout lady the satisfaction of having to buy another bag. immature, yes. but at this point i didn’t care. FAIL.

4 – and finally, i had to figure out how to make my way back to the “family friendly” parking spot with 3 HUGE BAGS of groceries (only one of them actually fit back into the cart), bitty (who was now refusing to get into the cart), my iced tea and me. a tired grocery girl.

** i’ll pause here for a moment to also acknowledge the fact that people look at me like i’m INSANE when i do these big grocery runs. the europeans shop on a MUCH more conservative level. it makes sense – buy less stuff more often, it’s fresher, etc etc. in theory i totally get it and love the idea of only buying what i need for the next day or two. BUT WHO ACTUALLY HAS TIME TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE EVERY OTHER DAY? today i needed 1 jar of olives so i bought 3. i needed a couple of chicken breasts so i bought 6. you get the idea. not sure if this is my innate USA-driven consumerism that drives this? regardless, i am what i am. and now i don’t need to buy olives for the next month. so there.

back home. up 2 flights of stairs (another reason to buy less stuff more often – my arms almost fell off). well, that’s a lie. i carried 1 bag up and sent wen down for the rest. i was done.

as done as this post.

i acknowledge this is crazy, silly boring and insignificant. grocery shopping, really?! i’ll try to do better. 

off to bed. sending love from an apartment with a very full refrigerator! xo.